Thursday, 30 May 2013

A very useful guest post

Hello my fabulous followers, today I've got a treat for you, I have agreed to engage the services of a Guest Writer. I know, I know, I said I wouldn't, but she sent me some samples of her work, and I have to say I was blown away with it. Her wisdom is mind bogling, I have learnt a whole new way of life from studying her writings. Of course I couldn't keep this exciting discovery to myself, that would be very selfish of me, so I would like to share this with you, in the hope that you might pick up some little money saving gems and incorporate them into your own lives.

Let me introduce you to this lady of great wisdom. She is a little bit shy so I have to pick my words very carefully. She has no desire to become famous or wealthy, she has a very simple lifestyle, but I have managed to get her to reveal her name, and a few other bits of information. So without further ado, I present Nellie Knowitall. She is founder of a brand new company, called Stating the Bleedin Obvious, set up to expel some of the myths about money saving and frugality. Nellie was brought up on a family farm in the Back of Beyond, she didn't have any clothes until she reached the age of 25, then she learnt how to sew, and started making bra's and pants from the hessian sacks which the animal feed was delivered in.

Anyway, that's enough from me, I will stop waffling and pass you over to our Guest Writer, Nellie Knowitall.

Hello, and thank you for that load of old cobblers introduction, Ilona. You have grossly exagerated the facts as usual, it wasn't hessian sacks, but the plastic carrier bags that the food shopping from Tesco Home Delivery came in. Right, here are my money saving tips, specially compiled for you lovely people.

1. Keep your money in your purse, do not open your purse, do not take your purse out anywhere.
2. If you have to buy some food, make sure you go to the cheapest shop. Go to lots of shops, but always buy the cheapest food. You might not like it very much, but the low cost will make up for the disappointment of eating something you do not like.
3. If your house is cold, don't be a whimp and turn the heating on, go to the wardrobe and pull out lots of sweaters and jog bottoms. Up your layers, it doesn't matter what you look like in your own home.
4. If you are still cold, go to the library and sit in the warm for an hour or two. Take a flask and read a few books. Or, use your bus pass and ride around on the bus all day, take some sandwiches.
5. If you have got some spare blood that you don't want, become a blood donor. trade your blood in for a cup of tea and some biscuits. This also gets you out of the cold for a while.
6. Wait until your clothes are absolutely filthy before you put them in the washing machine. Don't worry about the odd soup stain down your front, or the sweat marks under your arms, only wash them when you can no longer stand the smell.
7. If you really must have a bath, save the water to use for other jobs, like washing the car, or the dog, or the kitchen floor, or flushing the toilet. And don't forget, just before you get out of the bath, have a pee in it, that will save two squares of toilet paper.
8. When it's time to go to bed, and your house is cold, don't bother to take off your clothes and freeze your tits off, just get under the covers like you are, and if necessary put a wooly hat and gloves on. Don't forget to take your boots off though, makes a hell of  a mess of the duvet covers.
9. If you've got to get someone a gift, for a birthday or Christmas, don't go to the shop and buy something. There is plenty of free stuff lying around which you can give them. Do a bit of scrumping and give them a bag of apples. You can find some nice stuff in skips, or dumpsters if in the USA, people throw stuff out that would make nice gifts. Use your imagination, a bunch of wild flowers is a nice gift.
10. Think about what skills you have, can they be swapped with someone who has different skills. For instance, could someone cut your hair if you bake them a cake. Or, could you do some ironing for someone who would do some weeding for you in the garden. If you are a single man you could offer to cut the hedges for a single lady, and she could iron your shirts. You never know you might find lurv with another singleton when you swap skills.

Well that's all I have time for now, I'll leave you with this little bit of advice. Don't buy Innocents noodle pots at full price, wait until they have been reduced.

Good grief, £3 chuffin 90 for a pot noodle. 39p, that's more like my price.
I hope you enjoyed my money saving tips, please visit my web site, Stating the Bleedin Obvious, for some more. I hope Ilona asks me back again, because I could do with advertising more links to my site, so I get more followers, and they start buying stuff from me, and I can get some paid writing jobs, and I make some more money. (I lied about the being shy bit, and not wanting to be famous or wealthy)

Thank you Nellie, I really enjoyed reading your guest post. Now buzz off and stop bothering me.
Toodle pip.

42 comments:

  1. Dear Nellie I am all for saving water, but don't forget the golden rule. Bath yourself, before you bath the dog, or come out as hairy as a trucker (male one, that is) LOL

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  2. MQ - those links are just coming back to your site.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Wean, I know they do, that's how I set it up, to drive more traffic back to me, that's the joke.

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  3. A couple disgusting ways to save if you ask me. LOL

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    1. I know, that Nellie can be pretty disgusting. LOL

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  4. oh silly me - just got back from the dentist and am not thinking straight ! I thought those tips were a bit 'oldhat' ha ha

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  5. I love a bit of common sense and a giggle - nice to hear from your guest poster lol. Of to change out of my best clothes and into my warm, worn and woolly ones. just been in a 99p shop - its fab you get a penny back in change much better than the boring pound shop!

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  6. Dear Nellie, love your tips and your website. Why don't you enter for some Blog Awards, then you can tart up an old frock from a charity shop to wear to the awards ceremonies. That should attract some big companies to your blog and you can earn loads of money from the advertising!!

    Ooops, sorry Nellie, that's already been done, I forgot. Just stick with your Nellie Notes!!

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  7. Nellie rocks - hope to see more posts from her. ;o)

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  8. Too funny...sad when people start using their blogs to make money though when they started off so good andconstantly trying to get more followers

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  9. Hello Nellie. You are nearly as funny as Ilona

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  10. Ilona you do make me giggle such a funny post. I had a feeling it was you from the off but clicked the link just to be sure which made me giggle even more. Thank you for making me laugh on what has been a rather tiresome day.
    Much Love
    Claire xx xx xx

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  11. lol, wee in the bath and save two squares of paper, big lol

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  12. I don't think it's so bad to try to make a bit of money, Anon. Usually people blog about stuff they are really passionate about, and people have to earn money doing something - why not enjoy it?

    I read loads of frugal blogs at the moment; everyone's got a different take on it, and different kinds of lives. Some people do go to extremes, it's true, but I can admire them for that, and think rather them than me! And I get loads of inspiration. At least a bit of downshifting is perhaps a wee step towards the 'greater good'?

    I also read lots of writing blogs, because I'm passionate about books, and there are loads of review blogs out there. There are two in particular that get a lot of traffic because they are so mean about some writers - in fact they get a lot of followers to troll writers they don't like. And yes, those professional trolls get revenue from every click!

    I think I'd rather read something quite obvious (and maybe even a bit smug) than something that was deliberately mean... and the good thing is, I don't think we'll ever run out of interesting blogs!

    And I love this one!

    Very funny, Ilona. I particularly like number 7!

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    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure I know which blog anon is referring to.

      It used to be good and still is at times. But they swore blind that they weren't there to make money from the blog and know they do and in several ways.

      Delete
  13. Ilona you are brilliant! How did you think up that lot!

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  14. Ha ha Nellie you certainly are the bee's knees♥ I don't know why that expression popped into my mind but I've just looked up the meaning, excellent - the highest quality:) Looking forward to hearing more from Nellie.

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  15. hahaha thank you for making me howl with laughter! Ive had a bit of a shitty day today and reading that has cheered me up!

    I love the sound of 'Nellie'! xx

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  16. Oh Nellie, don't tell Ilona but I think you are a better writer than her and much funnier!
    Much love to you and just to say we are both still off the fags.

    Xxx

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  17. Iona,

    You are just too funny...had me laughing the entire post. Thanks!

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  18. I noticed a bit of a contradiction so i'm not 100%
    convinced about Nellies money saving
    tips. Tesco home delivery, surely that costs more
    and you don't get any reduced stuff.

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  19. Took me a second....good one Ilona!

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  20. Hilarious! I wonder how mamy people clicked on the link to check it out. I did! I'm so gullible!!

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  21. Hilarious, I have not laughed so much for a long time. I really think Nellie should have a weekly guest post - please!!

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  22. I think this is really funny (ha ha not peculiar) - I too clicked the link.

    Please invite your guest back sometime.

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  23. Oh so funny. Ilona you are hilarious. I laughed so much I woke the cat up. Some of the comments cracked me up too.

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  24. Nice one. Now I shall be giggling in bed and the hubby will be wondering what the heck is going on lol :)

    Sue R

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  25. What a laugh, thanks for that, loved it !!!
    Cheers, Mabel :)

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  26. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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    1. Hello Anon, Nellie here. I got Meanqueen, the blog administrator, to remove your comment above, because you tried to slip in an advert for your company, and that is strictly against the rules. Here is the amended version, without the advert.

      Nellie, you are a genius. I am a rep from a money-saving credit card company, (name deleted), our logo: "The more you spend, the more you save!!". I just went to your website and am now a convert. Will you consider writing sponsored posts for us? However, in order to reach our target client base, can you also add some sections onto your blog such as weight loss journey (women really dig that), sewing-with-guru classes (even more women really dig that), work out vids (I see you got one already, but we need more!!). I'll get my people to talk to your people.
      Cheers and ciao xox

      I am very flattered that you call me a genius, you are of course quite correct in this assumption. In my role as head of my company, Stating the Bleedin Obvious, I feel I have to point something out to you. It doesn't take a genius to work out that if you spend money using a credit card, there is no way you are saving money, in fact just the opposite, you are SPENDING money. The only way you can save money is by not spending it in the first place, buying nothing, zilch, nil, nowt. I think I will report you to the trades description people, because your company is obviously trying it on.

      I am sorry but I have to decline your request to write sponsored posts for you. Meanqueen has signed me up for an exclusive contract to write for Life After Money. She is paying me a massive amount of money to do this. Well maybe not massive, but she said she will give me a years supply of wrinkly stockings, and pay for any blue rinses I might need to maintain my youthfull appearance.

      What's all this about 'women digging this and digging that.' I think you are out of touch with what women want. The only thing we dig these days is the garden when we grow our vegetables. And how patronising that you think our main aims in life are to lose weight and sit in our little houses stitching away all day. Some of us want to expand our horizons with all manner of exciting and interesting hobbies and interests.

      I thank you for your interest, and wish you well.

      Delete
    2. '' However, in order to reach our target client base, can you also add some sections onto your blog such as weight loss journey (women really dig that), sewing-with-guru classes (even more women really dig that),'' ........................I found this part quite interesting as I see blogs just like this and now I wonder if really they are corporate ???

      Delete
  27. Nellie, I have an even better idea than bathing with water: just get a pumice (second-hand, if you can find it) and use it to scrape off grubby bits on your body. Sure, it hurts quite a bit at the beginning but I think I've worked out a technique with scratching myself to a bloody pulp. If you like, I can guest blog for you about this piece of learned frugal tip.

    (Ilona, you are a gem! Great satire and I laughed for five minutes after reading it)

    Joyce

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    Replies
    1. Joyce, the pumice stone is my best friend, though I have to moisten it with a drop of water, due to my ageing skin being not much thicker than good quality toilet paper. It has to last me another twenty years or more, so I can't risk wearing holes in it and my internal organs dropping out. Good idea though, for someone a lot younger with a thick skin.

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    2. Ah, but you see, you need my guest blog to talk through on the art of pumicing (is that even a word??) about how to pumice without causing a major internal organs leakage.

      Seriously though, I only reserve pumice stone exfoliation for my feet - when I can remember to do it!

      In this age where everything seems to be for sale, even "frugality", you are a breath of fresh air. For that I thank you :)

      Joyce

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  28. Brilliant, I almost didn't pop over when I read it was going to be a 'guest post' so glad I did. You're an absolute gem!!

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  29. Haha you are naughty.
    I like how you dont drone on and on about the same flipping things ...you have panache :P

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    Replies
    1. Ha ha, naughty but funny. What does panache mean?

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    2. https://www.google.com/search?q=define:panache

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    3. Thank you

      1.Flamboyant confidence of style or manner.

      Delete



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